i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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