fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
