Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
