the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
