She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
