hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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