he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
