i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
