How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize