I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am spending my child support on dildos
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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