do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
