is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
