it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
