Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
