It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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