happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
only if we run a train.
done.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
