I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
