It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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