my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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