New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
