my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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