Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
