my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
