I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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