I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
