Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
