right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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