she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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