the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
