I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
