I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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