I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize