I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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