he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
