I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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