This girl is more easily done than said...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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