I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
