Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
