They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
