I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize