White coat. Heels.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize