In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
