Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize