I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
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