k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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