walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
