Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
