Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
