theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
