You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
