he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The Olympian is in my bed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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