Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
