I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
...so i touched it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
