Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
