I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
