If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
