Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
