so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i may or may not be watching the land before time
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You made out with two different species that night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
