I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize