Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize