Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
