People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
