the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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