They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
