Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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