I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
