he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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