I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
