one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
two words...techno handjob
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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