she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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