he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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