yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
