he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
