shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
