Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
