never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
